Every day, I wake up saddened because I have lost people that I cared deeply about. I loved them, I went out of my way for them, I fought to keep them safe and loved, even when they weren't looking, and I thought of them all the time and what I could do to help them. I can look in the mirror and honestly say that I was a good friend to them. They can tell the stories of the occasions where I wasn't my best self, they can fabricate the things that they want me to have said or done, they can tell me that "everyone would be better off if I fucked off", but I know who I am. And now I know who they are.
The one who begs: The one who will do anything to make himself the victim to achieve attention.
The one who preaches: The one who blindly follows one story without proof and spreads the word.
The one who ignores: The one who would rather stay out of it, saving himself instead of another.
The one who encourages: The one who carries the traitors into battle through their spirit and defense.
This is my beginning. I am walking alone now. Every one that I have ever loved has abandoned me, with no other cause than a liar who managed to convince them all my evil. Their ignorance tells me they are children, with little more to gain than a pack of wild ideas to chase because they have no other means to an end. I have lost everything, so I have everything to gain. Apologies are not my means to an end, and I take back any apology or pleading for forgiveness. I did nothing wrong.
I did not raise an army.
I did not raise a lie.
I did not force down doors.
I did not force open their eyes.
I offered them a choice.
They chose to fight against me.
They chose to live the lie.
They took down my defenses
They bled me until I cried.
And I will NOT apologize.
They bled me until I cried.
And I will NOT apologize.
~E J Royson
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