Dear Brother,
I want
to preface this by saying I do not know how you feel. Maybe I did at one point,
during times where we have shared a common path through life, but I don’t
anymore. We haven’t spoken in years, much to my dismay. I’ve come to think
perhaps it is because I thought I
knew how you felt. How could you feel any different from me when we went
through the same trauma? And it never quite sunk in why, no matter how I tried,
my attempts to reach out to you never worked.
Through
my own unfortunate experiences with trauma after that of our childhood, I’ve
learned our childhood traumas were not the same. We both saw two very separate,
very ugly sides of life. Even our experiences had been the same, we were not
going to process our grief the same. So I’m sorry for being so closed minded as
to think I knew how you felt, knew what you needed, or thinking that forcing
myself back into your life was any type of solution.
Please,
do what you need to do to heal. I do not say this to suggest you are in any way
broken, but only that it is completely normal for life to tear little holes in
our soul. But by not repairing all the stupid little holes we think we can live
with, we make it easier for more painful tears to occur. And those are harder
to mend. I know this, because I have let this happen to me. By refusing to
repair all the stupid little things, I’ve had much greater pains over
situations I could have handled far differently had I dealt with the smaller pains
in my life first. Some people turn to professional guidance to heal their
souls, some people heal through mindfulness, and some heal through peer
support. There are so many ways to heal, and I only ask you to do what is best
for you in order to live a fulfilling life.
I say
this to you hoping you build the skills to cope with whatever life throws at
you, because if you were led to believe it gets easier once you hit adulthood,
they lied to you. You’re going to find your path in life, and unfortunately, I
can promise you there are going to be hills on your journey. Sometimes you’re
going to be fighting to get to the top of a hill, and then it’s going to be a
breeze going back down. And sometimes you’re going to get to the top, and there’s
not going to be a downhill, and you’re going to have to dig deep to keep going.
There will be times where you’re going to be forced to learn what you’re made
of in order to keep going. There is no easy way out. You’re going to have to
keep going. And it’s going to suck.
I want
you to know that if you feel you’re running out of power to keep going, please
do not hesitate to reach out to me. That’s what family is for. I wasn’t always
a good sister to you when we were younger and there’s no amount of apologizing
I can do to make up for that. There are many times I wish I could go back and
change what I’ve done. I would have been a better role model. I would have
shown you how to be a responsible young adult. I would have been there for you
when you needed me, so that maybe now you would allow me in your life to help
you through some of the incredible challenges you are going to face in the next
few years: college, finding a job, dealing with heartbreak, moving and starting
over somewhere new, and so much more. I want you to know that I will never close the door to you on anything.
Like it or not, you are my brother, and if ever you need one of your sisters, I
will always be there for you. It
doesn’t matter if we haven’t spoken in years—if you find yourself struggling, I
will be there, the past in the past, and the future whatever you want it to be.
Please don’t ever take one step in life thinking you are alone. Don’t ever
think it’s too late. I’ll be there when you need me.
